The Truth About Baby Sleep: Why You’re Not Doing It Wrong- Momma’s Monday Memo #2
I hope your Monday is powered by your favorite bevy and free of any vibe-killing dilemmas or humans.
Welcome back to Momma’s Monday Memo — today’s hot take coming in straight from my kitchen table, my favorite cherry twist Alani in hand, watching my two-ddler inhale some tuna and cucumbers. This week’s chat is on what I swear is the most controversial part of motherhood… sleep.
Let’s Talk About Baby Sleep ( And Why Everyone Has an Opinion)
Not your sleep, of course ( lol, whats sleep anymore?), but theirs. I’m talking about the ever-elusive, at times down right maddening, mom-shaming mystery that is baby sleep.
I’ve been the mom at 2am sobbing with her baby in arms, tirelessly searching “baby sleep” on google for any kind of help or comfort.
What I got? An overwhelming amount of do’s and don’ts. Served with a large dose of failure and a side of guilt. And lets be honest — we can make ourselves feel like all by ourselves. No extra help needed from anyone or any platform.
The Sleep Opinions Will Come for You
If you’ve already passed this stage in motherhood allow me to jog your memory:
“Sleep training is essential.”
“Sleep training is traumatic.”
“They should sleep in the room with you but never with you.”
“Co-sleeping is dangerous and should never EVER happen”
“They need to be sleeping in their crib by 6 months old.”
“They should sleep in the same room as you for the first year.”
“Never rock to sleep.”
“Contact naps will ruin all good sleeping habits and steal their indepence.”
“Crib only.”
“They shouldn’t play in their room, it should only be associated with sleep.”
“Floor beds are unsafe.”
“You’re going to spoil your baby by holding him too much while he sleeps.”
If your head is spinning — same my girl.
Deep breath, Momma.
What If Baby Sleep Doesn’t Need Fixing?
Go on. Pull up google, type in “baby sleep” I’ll wait right here.🪑
What you’ll find? Thousands of articles all pushing their right way, the “best” way. A million and one different ways to “fix it”, to “train it”, to never do, to always do.
Want to know what I would LOVE to see popping up on those google searches?
A little reassurance.
Maybe even some good old fashion encouagement.
Where o’ where are the search results that say: (yes that was a bear in the big blue house refrence, toddler mom life.🙃)
“You’re not failing. You’re not broken. You’re just a human. Your baby’s not broken. They’re just a baby.”
Here me as I lovingly scream…
You do not need to fix what isn’t broken!
(And join me as I try to change the game and the search results with this type of message instead.)
Real Talk: Every, Single Baby Is Different (Yes, Even Sleep-Wise)
Now I’m no expert. I have no training, no medical anything at all and certainly no agenda or how-to list to get YOUR little human to sleep.
Studies say we lose anywhere from 133 hours to upwards of 450 hours.
Mam, that is anywhere from 16 to 56 nights of a full 8 hours of sleep!
And still, we’re being told we’re failing if our babies aren’t sleeping “right”?
Nah, I’m all good on that.
Truth? I could give you a list of every single trick that worked for my son. I could type until my fingers hurt giving you suggestions. And honestly, 99.99% of the time none of those would work for yours like they work for mine. Your little is their own wild, beautiful, one-of-a-kind human.
Some need contact. Some crave space. Some love to be rocked slow. My son? 100mph in his swing. Some only sleep when being held.
No sleep method will override your baby’s nature.
And that is perfectly okay.
Motherhood is 90% survival and 10% luck.
Now am I saying it doesn’t absolutely make you want to rip your hair out trying for 2 hours to put down your little one for bed or a nap because you just desperately need a break?
No not at all! That shit is rough and there’s just no way to say it doesn’t.
Am I privileged to be able to support my little one to sleep and be there for those nap times and bedtimes?
Yes 100% wouldn’t trade it.
Does that make it any less stressful or shitty in the moment when your mental sanity is holding on by a thread?
Absolutely not!
Is that completely okay and normal to feel?
Hell yes it is!
You do what you can, the best you can.
You are enough.
About That “Are They Sleeping Through the Night Yet?” Question…
Lets cancel it, yeah?
Yes, it’s meant well — but my goodness how that question cuts deep when you’re just trying to celebrate your little wins of four consecutive hours of sleep or a no contat nap. When people asked me that question it felt like there was this finish line I keep missing. My immediate conclusion? It must be me, I am the problem, I must not be doing it right. Cue the “mom guilt”.
But here’s what I want you to hear instead:
There is no standard. There’s only your baby, your instincts, and your survival.
However you are surviving, I am so proud of you.🫶
My Final Thoughts: Sleep Will Come. You’re Not Failing.
So since I don’t see it enough or hear it enough, I took it upon myself this Memo to remind you (and me):
Eventually they’ll sleep through the night. Eventually, they’ll sleep alone. Embrace the lack of control.
Its all about support — for them and for you. Be gentle with yourself, momma.
However you are doing the damn thing, keep pushing, Momma.
You are not failing. You’re mothering.
Until next time,
May your Alani’s be crisp, your coffee strong and your vibes stay high. I love you.
